Anger management: Dealing with Slovak bureaucracy.

(From The Slovak Spectator)

Byline: Conrad Toft Spectator staff

Slovak Matters EVEN after five years in Slovakia, I have still not managed to fully understand the vagaries of Slovak bureaucracy (byrokracia) and customer service (sluzby zakaznikom). As far as I can tell, all Slovak companies and public institutions are required by law (although, admittedly I have never actually found the relevant act) to employ a certain percentage of staff whose sole job is to prevent customers from buying their products or clients from using their services. It makes the shopping experience often feel like banging one's head against a brick wall (is hlavou proti muru). I once even made the mistake of calling for the management, not realising that there is a whole chain of command for these professionals. At the time, I was attempting to buy a pair of shorts at a large hypermarket. The price on the sale label said Sk300; the till said Sk400. When I showed the label to the checkout operator, her reaction amazed me: After simply tearing off the tag and throwing it away, she stated that the price was Sk400 and held out her hand for the money. Somehow, I didn't lose my head (nestratil som hlavu). I asked to speak to a manager and was further amazed to find that the woman, standing behind me, was watching the whole affair. Anxious to protect the good reputation of the company, she responded: "The price says Sk400." I walked away short of temper, and short of shorts. Once again, I had found myself at a dead end (uviazol som na matvom bode). Another brief example, before we get to the heart of the matter: On one trip back to Bratislava from the eastern part of the country, a bus driver went to measure my luggage (batozina) after I insisted that it was not too large to be "hand" luggage (a regulation 20cm by 30cm by 50 cm is transported without fee). After measuring my bag and finding it was several centimetres smaller than the limit on all sides, instead of apologising he simply said: "Hovorim vam, ze je to priliS ve3/4ke. Platite, alebo vystupte." (I'm telling you it's too big. Pay, or get off). Not wanting to be stranded in Roz"ava, I put my tail between my legs (stiahol som chvost) and climbed onto the bus, all the while muttering darkly about the vagaries of Slovak ...