Talking about child care: what's the research really say? (Art of Mothering)(Cover Story).(Cover Story)

Publication: Mothering

Publication Date: 01-MAY-02

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COPYRIGHT 2002 Mothering Magazine

Why is guilt the first thing that comes up when we talk about child care? Last year the National Institute for Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) released data linking longer hours in child care to misbehavior. One working mother quickly responded, "There is always enough time for more guilt when you're a working mother ... Then [you] look at the day's news and find out there's yet another reason why we working mothers should feel lousy about what we're doing to our kids." (1)

Psychologists rushed to reassure working mothers. "It [the data on misbehavior] is totally blown out of proportion," said Duane Alexander, director of the NICHD. (2) "Psychologists are driving parents crazy," said Edward F. Zigler, a professor of psychology at Yale University. He added, "And people make the mistake of thinking that home is always great. Home for many kids is no bargain. We have a million abused children, mostly by their parents." (3)

Working mothers aren't the only ones with feelings, especially guilt feelings. We at-home mothers are often accused of wasting our education and of letting down the women's movement, and are pressured to go back to work. At-home fathers face the same prejudices and inner conflict about their jobs, added to the indignity of being called "Mr. Mom." On top of all the criticism, our families have less money than two-earner families.

EXPERTS TELL US THAT QUALITY TIME COUNTS MORE than quantity time, and we feel guilty for doing the dishes or taking a break when we should be playing with our kids. We hear that the most important factor is how happy the parents are, and we feel guilty for not being ecstatic about changing diapers. We read about the importance of cognitive stimulation and quality child care, and consider whether we should go to work to pay tuition for a fancy preschool. Headlines say that daycare may boost immunity against asthma, and we wonder if we're harming our children's very health by keeping them home with us. Any possible advantage of daycare is heralded as proof that working mothers don't need to feel guilty; the feelings of at-home mothers and fathers are ignored. All too often the...

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