Insider Guide.

Insider's Guide etiquette

How to Ask some-one for a Favor

By David J. Lieberman Lieberman, a psychotherapist, is the author of How to Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again (St. Martin's Press). Asking for a favor -- a letter to a co-op board, a recommendation to a prospec-tive employer, a donation to a charity -- is always hard, but the wheels of largesse roll faster if you grease the request with a little simple psychology. * Lead by example. Owing another person makes us feel dependent, and we don't like that; doing a favor restores the balance. Preface your request with a little attention, a thoughtful gesture, a compliment -- just don't be transparent or fake about it. If he's a colleague, give him some extra credit. In a meeting, use phrases like "As James had alluded to ." * Beat around the bush. If you want your boss to write a recommendation for a co-op board, tell her, "They're looking for someone in an established position -- do you know anyone in the office I might ask?" Chances are, she'll write the letter, and this way, you haven't put her on the spot. * Hold up a mirror. People act in accordance with how they see themselves. If you want a colleague to take over a project while you're on vacation, say, "James, you were so great helping out Kate when she was in a pinch; could you do the same for me?" James will come to think that he is helpful, and he'll want to do more of the same. * Time it right. If he has to scramble to do something for you, he probably won't. That said, don't give him too much time. He may put it off, and you'll have to ask again later. * Money changes everything. When dollars and cents are involved, you're best not attempting to use flattery. If you're fund-raising for a charity, ask the person what attracts her to different causes and try to make a case that your organization matches her answer. Then ask for a donation as simply as possible -- even just a ...