Insider Guide.(How to apologize)

Insider's Guide Etiquette

How to apologize By Howard Rubenstein

By Howard Rubenstein Rubenstein is president of Rubenstein Associates, a public relations firm. His clients have included Lizzie Grubman; Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York; and the New York Yankees. Saying sorry is never easy to do, especially when the apologist has a ego -- and every apologist does. But if you've done someone wrong, you should set things right. Before you launch into it, just be sure to ask yourself, "Do I mean it?" People see through a phony "I'm sorry" pretty quickly. * Don't wait too long. Too often the wrongdoer makes the mistake of thinking, Oh, she'll get over it. But a hurt really can linger. If you express regret in a timely manner, you might prevent a festering dislike -- or even revenge. I've seen people lie in wait for years for a chance to get even. * Meet in person. If it's long distance, that's one thing. But if you're saying sorry to someone who you work with or see socially, call her and say, "I'd like to talk to you for a minute or two." Find a private place, look her straight in the eye, and speak in a normal, natural voice. No yelling or hyperventilating. *Choose your words carefully. Don't just wing it -- think through what you're going to say. In fact, if it's a very serious apology, I would write it down and rehearse it a few times first. Don't say, "I'm sorry you feel that way" -- that puts the blame on them. Stick to a simple "I'm sorry I did X" or "I'm sorry, I know I hurt your feelings when I did Y." * Save the wisecracks. Don't initiate humor. You've got to ...