the weekenders; A summer getaway to a friend's place in the country can be a social minefield.(management of parties)

Byline: William Norwich

Parties are a lot like surfing. You ride the waves and see where you

go, wading in the waters, floating in some glamorous din, talking about. . . . Well, one particular night not long ago, talking about houseguests and house presents.

Salad tongs had been suggested as the best houseguest presents. Nathalie Leeds Leventhaw, in J. Mendel silk and ermine, and the Lehman Brothers financier and It-girl-around-town Lil Phillips, in Oscar de la Renta lacy black, pondered this present possibility. We were a few hundred deep at a fund-raiser organized by the Friends of New Yorkers for Children, convened in the ballroom of the Mandarin Oriental hotel in the Time Warner Center.

With an abundance of white flowers on long picnic-style tables painted deep gold, the party was decorated by Raul Avila, delighting Manhattan's young socials here on a Friday night after a spell of other parties, gallery openings, and benefits. There was artist Rachel Feinstein's opening downtown, the commencement of Martha Graham's season at City Center, and Linda Fairstein's literary luncheon for God's Love We Deliver; there was a rowdy Dressed to Kilt party put on by the Friends of Scotland. But this, the New Yorkers for Children Event, was the dressiest party of the lot. Dayssi Olarte de Kanavos, Renee Rockefeller, Susan Shin, Vanessa von Bismarck, and Stephanie Winston Wolkoff were the cochairs.

Clearly, the social set loves its city life . . . but come summer, like dancers in some kind of waltz, hosts and guests line up parallel and launch themselves to assorted weekend retreats. Ah, the agonies and the ecstasies of summer visiting.

"And what does a girl bring a man when he's her host for the weekend?" Lil Phillips asked.