We're both the boss! (Couple Counsel).(marriage counselling)

Q. My wife and I have problems agreeing on many things. For example, even though my wife is ready to have kids, I don't want to because we disagree on child rearing and financial responsibilities. She wants to have the authority to discipline our children without calling me at work first. I don't think it's too much to have her call me before disciplining the children. My wife wants to be in charge of bill paying. I think we should sit down every month and do it together, like my parents did. She thinks this is impractical. What can we do to start agreeing?

A. While it may seem as if your problem is about not being able to agree, the real issue is that you and your wife are experiencing a continuous power struggle. Marriage is a place where two people come together, bringing their history, background, upbringing, gender, personality, bad habits and good habits, gifts and talents. In other words, marriage is a coming together of many differences. God then says we are to become one. Easier said than done! The good news is we have the lifetime of marriage, the promises of God's Word, and the power of the Holy Spirit to help us accomplish that.

Whenever there is a conflict, our immediate response is to try and solve it--which means we want our spouse to see things the way we see them. Rather than focusing on agreeing, we would encourage you to focus on learning how to listen to …