Sometimes parents need to accept that they are powerless.(Knight Ridder Newspapers)

Byline: John Rosemond

Q: Our daughter is in the 8th grade at a magnet school for gifted and talented students. Over the three years she's been there, her grades have gone from A's to C's and D's, with more than a few F's. She is always on restriction, but seems motivated by nothing. When we talk to her about the problem, she has no answers. Should we continue restricting her? Move her back to our neighborhood school? Have her tested? We are desperate for help!

A: In my book "Teen-Proofing," I point out something all parents need to understand: You can respond properly to a problem you're having with a child _ a problem the child can obviously control _ and the child's behavior may still not change. That's just another way of saying, "A child has a mind of his/her own."

Your daughter has a problem she can control. You've done all the right things. She still has the problem. In fact, it's getting worse.

Therefore, you probably need to accept that in this case, you are powerless.

If your daughter had a learning problem, it's unlikely she would have ever been identified as gifted and talented. Therefore, I think having her tested will probably be a waste of money, but if it makes you feel more comfortable, then by all means have it done.

Yes, I'd move her back to the neighborhood school. She's taking up space in the magnet school that another child could benefit from. And yes, I'd continue her restriction. In a situation of this sort, I don't look upon restriction as "punishment." Rather, I see it as a lesson in how the real world works; to wit, if you don't accept your responsibilities, then you are going to be, in effect, "restricted." I'd tell your daughter that you don't like restricting her, but it would be unfair to do otherwise.