Truest love: a caregiver learns from his wife's pain.

On our honeymoon in 1973, my wife and I backpacked for miles and miles across the Continental Divide. Sherrie had earned a physical education degree, and for 5 years afterward she taught hundreds of aerobics and cross-country ski classes.

Then, in 1985, the intruder came--and confined her to a living room chair.

In Sherrie's case, the intruder bore many names, including chronic pain, fibromyalgia, arthritis, degenerative disc disease and depression. Pain infiltrated my wife's body and our home when Sherrie was only 32 years old. Now, 20 years later, the intruder has evolved into our unwanted, unruly and unkind roommate.

Powerful Adversary

Pain becomes chronic when it lasts longer than 6 months and is not relieved by medical or surgical care. According to www.WebMD Health.com, an estimated 15-33 percent of Americans suffer from chronic pain. That adds up to as many as 70 million people.

That's only a small part of the story, though. What about those millions of people who love the pain sufferers? This story is really about those who are indirectly impacted by chronic pain, especially those "caregivers" (as I'll call them) who live with the pain sufferer.

I often ask caregivers what their particular intruder has robbed from them. They most often say money, joy, sex, career advancement, laughter, dreams and freedom. The sad fact is, even though they know how to address the physical aspects of their loved one's chronic pain, how to deal with the emotional and relational aspects is not as plain for them. Too many caregivers follow one of two paths, both leading away from growth--both theirs and their partner's.