Restore balance to fix `frantic family syndrome'.(Knight Ridder Newspapers)

Byline: John Rosemond

Q. My husband and I have a 4-year-old boy and an 8-year-old girl. They both whine, cry when they do not get their way and do not seem to think "no" means "no." In addition, there is lots of sibling rivalry and hassles when it comes to doing what they are told.

Because of the demands of our jobs, my husband and I end up doing a lot of tag-team parenting, especially when it comes to getting the kids to their after-school programs, getting them fed and seeing to it that they do their homework.

I feel like all we do is scream and yell. I realize this is a tall order, but can you give us some useful suggestions?

A. You are describing what I call the "frantic family syndrome," the result of emotional resources that are stretched to the max by an overload of outside commitments.

It's fairly clear that you and your husband spend most of your time dashing from one obligation to another, somewhat like the plate spinners on the old Ed Sullivan Show would dash from one spinning plate to another.

As a consequence, you are a family in name only. I'll wager that you rarely sit down to a peaceful, unhurried dinner together, that the last time you went on a family picnic or took a leisurely stroll through a zoo was too long ago to clearly remember, and that by the time the kids get to bed, you' re too exhausted to be husband and wife.