`The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'.

Byline: Roger Moore

You play your cards right. You manage, somehow, to avoid 30 years of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" movies, their sequels, prequels, direct-to-video "family portraits."

And then bottom feeders at New Line Cinema do a theatrical remake. Bless their hearts.

Here it is, a slaughterhouse set in a slaughterhouse, complete with body parts, internal organs, blood spurts, torture, senseless murder and mayhem. The new "Massacre" lowers the bar much the way the original "dead teenager" horror flick did way back in 1974 and makes a mockery of that industry self-policing rubber stamp known as the ratings board.

Yeah, this is an R. Jack …