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I was lying alone in bed after my usual bulimic binge--this time it was each flavor of Rosa's fudge from the deli across the street from my New York City apartment. When I couldn't eat any more, my heart started pounding. I was scared, but I forced myself to lie still. I tried to breathe deeply and make my heart calm down, but the pounding just wouldn't stop. I was only 24, but I felt like I was having a heart attack. "What makes you do this?" I thought. "What are you afraid of?" I opened my diary and started writing.
I began with my list of When-I-Get-Thin dreams--to become the dancer, the singer, the Broadway performer, the person who would get back at those ...