Toughest ticket ever would be Red Sox against Cubs.(Chicago Tribune)

Byline: Mike Downey

Downey's Eleven:

1. So this is August, right? And you say a World Series between the Cubs and the Red Sox is still a possibility? You wouldn't lie to me, now, would you? Let me see, the Toughest Ticket in the History of Sports, what would that be? Hmmm. Game 5 at Wrigley or Game 7 at Fenway? I believe the offers for such a ticket would include: (a) $1 million, (b) "Sell my mother," (c) "Dance naked on Michigan Avenue" and (d) "Who is it you need killed?"

2. There are two words I would like to say to all of you who continue to state your opinions on TV or in print on the Kobe Bryant case in Colorado, even though there has not yet been a word of court testimony. Wait, I forget, what were those two words? Oh, now I remember them: Shut ... up!

3. The Lakers sure did get old overnight. Karl Malone, Gary Payton and Horace Grant? That doesn't sound much like "Showtime" to me. Sounds more like Slowtime. I haven't seen superstars this old in Los Angeles since "On Golden Pond." Phil Jackson won't be the only graybeard on that bench.

4. Another glamorous NBA franchise (ha), the Minnesota Timberwolves, went on a shopping spree to show the Lakers it means business. The Timberwolves got Latrell Sprewell, Sam Cassell and Michael Olowokandi. (Isn't Olowokandi one of Minnesota's 10,000 lakes?) They took Fred Hoiberg from the Bulls. (Darn, there goes our shot at the championship.) They even got Mark Madsen, the good kid and bad dancer of Lakers victory celebrations. (Now you can call him "`Dancing With T'wolves.") If Minnesota needs one more old Laker to round out the roster, George Mikan might be available.

5. I am so proud of our armed forces in Iraq, I am prepared to offer the Bears $68 million to rename their stadium U.S. Soldier Field.