Revisiting the original `Planet of the Apes' movies.(Knight Ridder Newspapers)

With the remake of "Planet of the Apes" smashing the competition at the box office, we thought it was time to revisit the original five movies. If you're a newcomer, consider this a guide to what came before. If you're an old fan, break out those Mego dolls and inhale the nostalgia.

___

PLANET OF THE APES (1968)

Cast: Col. George Taylor (Charlton Heston), Cornelius (Roddy McDowall), Zira (Kim Hunter), Dr. Zaius (Maurice Evans), Nova (Linda Harrison)

The film opens with Taylor yammering about the stupidity of mankind before lighting a cigar in a spaceship filled with compressed oxygen. When he and his fellow astronauts awake from deep hibernation, they find their ship has crashed on a strange planet more than 2,000 years in the future and they've all grown perfectly trimmed beards.

The trio look for signs of life on foot, taking a break to skinny-dip (Scary Butt Shot No. 1), only to have their clothes stolen by a bunch of ugly humans and one babe who lives in the wild but still takes the time to shave her legs and put on eye shadow. While Taylor considers making a pass at the babe, they're interrupted by a bunch of human-hunting apes, causing Taylor to be momentarily confused when he's distracted by both the girl and the fine-looking firearms.

Taylor is shot in the neck, hindering his ability to talk, and eventually attracts the attention of Zira and Cornelius, two chimpanzee psychiatrists. A daring escape attempt ends in recapture, causing Taylor to curse at the apes, which apparently turns Zira on, judging from her smile. (Disturbing Sexual ...