Go easy on big brother.(Knight Ridder Newspapers)

Byline: John Rosemond

Q: When my husband and I realized we were guilty of having created a child-centered home, we began cracking down on our spoiled 5-year-old and began "centering" our marriage. After three months, things are going well, with one exception. Our son enjoys playing with his 10-month-old brother, but there have been three recent times when the baby has started crying and when I check, big brother has a guilty look on his face. When big brother is banished to his room for these incidents, he is obviously more upset about being punished than about hurting his brother. As a result, we've put baby brother off limits for a time. Are we expecting too much?

A: When a 5-year-old boy and a 10-month-old boy interact on a daily basis, the younger one is bound to experience occasional pain. This is the almost inevitable consequence of having two boys, and you are going to go slowly insane if you assign yourself to the impossible task of preventing this from happening.

For at least the next three to four years, until the physical disparity begins to level out, the younger one will experience more play-related insult than the older one. This isn't bad. It's just the way it is.

The fact that big brother even wants to play with a 10-month-old is a good sign, an early indication of a growing relationship. Count your lucky stars that all indications do not point to early resentment, which might be the case if your first-born was as spoiled as you seem to believe.

I think you're trying to rectify overnight what took five years to create_your family's child-centeredness. Your impatience is causing you to ...