UNEASY LISTENING.(Review)

Once again, the genius of American marketing has discovered something I didn't know I needed. Allegro Music, eschewing the usual ploys of probing my insecurities or engaging me in a pleasant fantasy, merely suggests that "the simple, daily tasks in life" would be more delightful if I listened to their set of six CDs entitled "Lifestyles." I can't decide whether this is sweetly naive or desperately cynical. Each CD offers sixty-odd minutes of music that will theoretically enhance a specific activity.

I do believe that music is effective in little-understood ways, so I'm with Allegro thus far. Perhaps my life could be improved by a sound track. Their idea of "daily tasks" is confusing, though. Driving carpool? Paying bills? Flossing? No -- Allegro seems to have a rosier view of the average music-buyer's existence. Or wait -- perhaps that's part of the marketing scheme! Are we supposed to be so flattered by the company's view of our lives that we are moved to buy their music? The disks proffer accompaniments for: "Sunday Brunch," "The Festive Gourmet," "A Relaxing Bath," "Reading," "Spring Cleaning" and "The Crossword" -- hardly daily tasks on my calendar.

The pressing question, though, is what music Allegro has selected to boost my relish for each activity. I'm ready to put it to the test. Will the tempos of "Spring Cleaning" prompt an unprecedented zeal for grout-scouring? Will the melodic strains of "The Crossword" enhance my cleverness? There's only one way to find out.

I detest cleaning, so I start there, anticipating some Vivaldi and maybe snippets from Handel's "Fireworks" to spur on my hunt for dust kitties under the sofa. But no -- Allegro, defying expectations, provides me with.... Albeniz. I'm sorry, but it's going to take more than even the sprightliest Iberian cadences to get me scrubbing. In fact, that piano is kind of incessant throughout this disc, and I am far from sure that cleaning adagio is the way to go. All I want to do is lean on my mop. Things pick up with the "Allegro moderato" from Hummel's second piano concerto -- a girl could tackle a greasy oven to that.

"Festive Gourmet" up next -- though I do wonder whether I'm supposed to be cooking or eating. The cupboard is pretty bare, and Allegro hasn't provided any "Cruising the Supermarket" music, so I boil an egg and keep on cleaning. Some of this music sounds familiar -- gosh, it's more Albeniz. In the space of an hour I've heard more Albeniz than in the previous forty-five years. And it's piano-heavy again. In fact, it's arpeggio-heavy, if such a thing is possible. And those Hummel timpani that helped me think about cleaning the oven are back. Maybe this is when I'm supposed to be pounding the veal scallops.

Time for a break -- "Reading." I'm a little skeptical here. Isn't one supposed to be focused on the ...