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COPYRIGHT 2002 Curve Magazine, Outspoken Enterprises, San Francisco, CA 94102 (415) 863-6538
News flash: "A political, economic and social crisis has caused a large number of men to lose their sex drives." Or so it was declared in a January news story under the headline, "Oddly Enough," that described how a recession in Argentina has brought a simultaneous downturn in the male libido there.
What was said in the article wasn't nearly as interesting as what wasn't said. Men who aren't horny make the news. Women, it is assumed, will eventually lose interest in sex anyway, so why bother reporting on the state of their libidos?
It's a notion that has gone relatively unchallenged, to the point that many heterosexuals can profess a happy marriage despite a lack of carnal contact. After all, we have venues to gratify the restless man - stopping off for a lap dance before dinner can do a lot for a guy's state of mind.
But for female lovers this belief in the inevitable decline of the female sex driven has dire consequences, with the now-cliched term, "lesbian bed death" providing excuses for avoiding relationship problems and conversely pressuring otherwise fulfilled couples to sexually perform beyond their means.
"In my previous relationship, I used to laugh off my diminished attraction as 'bed death,' when, looking back, there was a serious reason we weren't having sex," says Andy, a butch dyke who recently moved in with her girlfriend. "Now I'm in a great relationship, but we don't have as much sex as our other lesbian friends, which makes me feel inadequate. I can't win."
It doesn't have to play out in either extreme, according to numerous dykes, therapists, and sexperts, who have grown tired of the simplistic phrase and the lesbian community's acceptance of it. Lesbian sex is too intricate and intense to be...
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