Heavily Favored.

Byline: EDITOR: ALEXANDRA KOTUR

When asking for (or declining to) help, keep things short and sweet, says William Norwich.

If you are attending political events and fund-raisers this high-stakes election season, you can't fail to notice all the grand schmoozing, the sense that favors are being asked, granted, and negotiated. It appears so easy and natural for political people, but why for so many others is it so difficult to ask for a favor? After all, asking can be quite a compliment if done well. You are empowering the person helping you; it is an intimate act of friendship, an invitation to come closer. That is, unless you cannot take no for an answer, in which case, don't ask. Wait until you are unlikely to cast anyone in an adversarial role, when you feel more equable or have something significant to return--collateral, if you will, be it abstract or specifically 18K.

Be graceful in presenting your case or quest. The expression "I need" has almost unanimously replaced "May I please" in everything from "I need a grande skim three-shot decaf latte" at Starbucks to "I need you to write a letter of recommendation to get Junior into Buckley." When you read Laura Claridge's excellent biography Emily Post: Daughter of the Gilded Age, Mistress of American Manners, published this month by Random House, you will observe how alert the etiquette maven was to the difference between a favor and a demand. Asking for a favor is an art, applied politesse; ...