Party Lines.

Byline: EDITOR: ALEXANDRA KOTUR

When discussing politics, always keep in mind you're conversing, not campaigning, says William Norwich.

As the plot really begins to thicken in a presidential election year, talking politics in social life has become tricky. Here are a few suggestions for keeping everything cool.

Of utmost importance, respect boundaries. Do not ask whom someone is voting for. That is, initially, too invasive. Something along the lines of "How do you feel the election is going?" will allow discussion to unfold in a general way, becoming more personal soon enough but in a mutually agreeable manner.

The reason politics can become so contentious--especially at parties with cocktails--is that we confuse it with values. Politics is theoretical, historical, scholarly, and impersonal. Values are emotional; they define us. Telling people they are wrong about anything--from their candidate of choice to Iran, Iraq, health care, the Supreme Court, whether the candidate's wife will be a good First Lady, or (who knows?) whether we should open a consulate on Capri--will feel like an attack if we are talking personal values, not politics. In response, we find ourselves defending our beliefs to the end because one's definition of self, unwittingly or not, seems to depend on being found right.

Not the mood you want at your party.

You want lively, brilliant, and safe. Hosts must be impartial and guide the conversation, protect the vulnerable, and diffuse the blowhard. Do so by changing the subject. Or separate two people before fisticuffs by asking one of them to help you in the kitchen or come see your roses. As a guest, if you find yourself under verbal attack or too strongly disagreeing or trying to make your point, divert the conversation immediately. "Oh, well, enough about what I think; how are you? Were you able to get away on vacation this summer?" If you are talking to someone younger, ...