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COPYRIGHT 2008 All rights reserved. Reproduced by permission of The Condé Nast Publications Inc.
In a lifelong struggle with her shape that spans relationships, career changes, and now a move halfway around the world, Min Jin Lee charts the seismic shifts in her life by the numbers on the scale.
I moved to Tokyo in August, and my alter ego has come along.
Ever since I was fifteen, I have struggled with my body and shape. This November, I turn 40, and I have come to treat this 25-year-old matter that appears and disappears like an illusive family member with patient regard. My given name is Min Jin, and friends call me Min for short. Privately, I refer to my problem--at once critic, gauge, and GPS--as Minus. Minus induces me to order a cheese course with my dessert when I dine with people I dislike, tells me to eat chocolate bars when I'm supposed to be writing, and orders me to row for an hour when my jeans are snug. In my new expatriate home, Minus harps that I am too big, too hungry, too much.
She knows that I didn't want to come to Tokyo. My husband was offered a better job, and since I can scribble fiction on any kitchen table, we said yes. The son of a former American diplomat and a Japanese aristocrat, Christopher was born in Kobe and grew up everywhere. I am a Korean immigrant, and except for college and law school, my life has been New York--based. For amusement, Christopher goes on 100-mile bike rides called centuries. I read forgotten books and make soup. We have been married for almost fifteen years with predictable sine curves. I still find him attractive, and he has been a smart and loyal friend. We have a ten-year-old boy, Sam, who is funny and bright. Though I had no wish to live in Japan, I cannot imagine being married to anyone else. Sometimes you have to look at hard decisions like that, I think.
It was also a lousy time to move because, after twelve difficult years, my first novel was published--three months prior to our departure. I felt like I was leaving a child behind. Yet I agreed to exchange our drafty loft near Chinatown for a wall-to-wall beige-carpeted rental in a luxurious Tokyo neighborhood filled with expatriates. I became a trailing spouse. When I got pinkeye in August, Christopher had to...
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