The other inconvenient truths.(OFF COLOR)(tortillas and green living)

THE TRUTH IS, I'M A BONA FIDE TORTILLERA. It's in my nature to breathe, live and eat tortillas. It is also my business. I am one of those rare Xicanas artists who ingeniously, if I may so myself, figured out a way to convert the purchase of tortillas and butter into a legitimate tax write-off (I'm still working on the beans).

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Seriously, I get paid to travel the national university circuit, where I fling tortillas to the next generation of hungry and (I hope) critical minds as part of my performances. Kind of like what Mr. Al Gore did with his environmental tour, only my tour is more low-key, a lot more interactive, and well, I don't really have a documentary crew following me around to create the "great savior" myth.

Now let me provide some context. I don't just toss tortillas away. (Por favor, no matter what you've heard, I'm not that kind of mujer.) The truth of the matter is that I enlighten my audiences on matters of import, i.e. Corporate America's ongoing cooptation of la tortilla. Oh yeah, she's a tortilla, people--NOT a wrap!

C'mon, gente, organize! Or next, they'll steal our refried beans and sell them back to us as brown marmalade. At Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, nonetheless--where, hello, we can't afford it!

I mean, have you seen the price of an organic tomato these days?!

And I'm talking about one measly tomato, not a four-pack. I ask myself, am I buying food or making a mortgage payment? But, honestly, I don't know a thing about mortgages, because I can't afford to buy a house in California, not even in the 'hood. But I do know plenty about exorbitant rents, ludicrous gas prices and living life without your basic H(O)MO medical insurance. Trust me, my grandma's healing chant of "sana, sana, colita de rana" can only go so far. But I digress ...