Wanted: a saint for all seasons.(THE LAST LAUGH)

March is one of those transition months, unreliable for enjoying either summer or winter outdoor activities in my neck of the woods, Madison Wisconsin.

The one consistent bright spot is that March always contains St. Patrick's Day, an occasion for revelry and tomfoolery, not to mention consumption of mass quantities of green beer and corned-beef-and-cabbage. Its namesake is a fifth century missionary sent to revive and expand Catholicism in Ireland. It's supposed to be a day for renewal and offering a prayer to missionaries, but its legacy has become a synonym for partying.

A variety of needs

I got to thinking that if there were any advantages to belonging to a religious group, certainly having a broad repertoire of spirits at one's disposal would rank pretty high--both kinds of spirits.

According to a formerly Catholic friend, the religion provides many saints specifically designated for causes within the framework of everyday life:

* St. Anthony, the saint who keeps track of lost things, is available to help you find the keys, your stash of Easter cards or even a lost cat.

* St. Jude, helpful with desperate or lost causes, is your last hope.