Why are women so strange and men so weird?(selected topic)

The topic of male and female differences has been a very hot one in corporate circles. The reason is because men and women actually speak a different language. As a psychologist, I know that communication is the single most important skill set that an individual can possess. People who have excellent interpersonal skills tend to have better relationships, better marriages and are more successful in their careers.

Yet whenever we talk to someone of the opposite sex, a whole new dynamic takes place. Sometimes, it seems as if we are trying to communicate with someone from another planet--hence, several books have been written to express that theme. This unique dynamic is an extension of the reality that men and women have been raised in two totally different worlds, and thus display differing cultural values and operating systems.

A good definition of culture could be: "rules of etiquette." For instance, one of the rules of etiquette in some Middle Eastern cultures is to belch after a good meal. This is actually considered to be a compliment to the host or hostess of the meal. Imagine bringing this rule of etiquette into your organizational environment. Can you imagine one of your VPs letting one go during one of your board meetings? If someone were to engage in this behavior after a holiday meal, we would wonder where in the world this person grew up. It crosses a cultural rule of how things should be done.

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In the same way, men and women have different rules of etiquette which can unintentionally create frustration and misunderstandings in our relationships. Do men and women have different rules of relational etiquette? Absolutely!

If you have ever been out to dinner with a mixed group, you may have observed one woman turn to another and ask, "Mary, would you go to the restroom with me?" This is considered relationally okay in the accepted female cultural etiquette. But imagine one man turning to another and posing the same inquiry, "Frank, would you go to the restroom with me?" As I role-play this scenario in my seminars, invariably I receive lots of laughter and snickering. Why? Because I have broken an accepted cultural rule of etiquette for men. It doesn't sound right--and the laughter of the group proves the point.

What gets most of us into trouble with the opposite sex at work, and what increases our mystification with the opposite sex at home, is we do not understand these diverse cultural norms for men and women. Different rules for men and women do apply in our society, and the most effective communicators have an awareness of these bi-polar operating systems, and can change their approach accordingly.