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COPYRIGHT 2007 All rights reserved. Reproduced by permission of The Condé Nast Publications Inc.
Eventually, our species will die out and a new race will arrive to inhabit the planet. This race will have a giant mess to clean up--all the stuff that human beings accumulated in pursuit of pleasure and profit, but for which these new beings will have no use. Huge mounds of motorboats, football stadiums, air-conditioners, sunblock, and other absolute necessities of life as we once conceived it will rise to the skies. One towering, teetering pile will consist of books with mostly blank pages--some of them ordinary notebooks, some expensive leather-bound volumes, some with decorated covers and hand-pressed leaves, some with tiny locks for tiny keys and little loops into which a special, ultra-thin pencil might fit. The new beings will not understand what these objects were for, or why they found so unbelievably many of them in drawers and trunks and attics, everywhere they looked. But we know what they are: they are unused and abandoned personal diaries.
The impulse to keep a diary is to actual diaries as the impulse to go on a diet is to actual slimness. Most of us do wish that we were slim diarists. It's not that we imagine that we would be happier if we kept a diary; we imagine that we would be better--that diarizing is a natural, healthy thing, a sign of vigor and purpose, a statement, about life, that we care, and that non-diarizing or, worse, failed diarizing is a confession of moral inertia, an acknowledgment, even, of the ultimate pointlessness of one's being in the world. Still, rationally considered, what is natural or healthy about writing down what happened every day in a book that no one else is supposed to read? Isn't there something a little O.C.D. about this kind of behavior? Writing is onerous (especially with an ultra-thin pencil)--writing feels like work because it is work--and, day by day, life is pretty routine, repetitive, and, we should face it, boring. So why do a few keep diaries, when diary-keeping is, for many, too much?
Three theories immediately suggest themselves. They are theories of the ego, the id, and the superego (and what is left, really?). The ego theory holds that maintaining a diary demands a level of vanity and self-importance that is simply too great for most people to sustain for long periods of time. It obliges you to believe that the stuff that happened to you is worth writing down because it happened to you. This is why so many diaries are abandoned by circa January 10th: keeping this up, you quickly realize, means something worse than being insufferable to others; it means being insufferable to yourself. People find that they just can't take themselves seriously enough to continue. They may regret this--people capable of taking themselves seriously tend to go farther in life--but they accept it and move on to other things, such as collecting stamps.
The id theory, on the other hand, states that people use diaries to record wishes and desires that they need to keep secret, and to list failures and disappointments that they cannot admit publicly have given them pain. Diary-keeping, on this account, is just neurotic, since the last thing most people want to do with their unconsummated longings and petty humiliations is to inscribe them permanently in a book. They want to forget them, and so they soon quit writing them down. Most people don't confess; they repress.
And the superego theory, of course, is the theory that diaries are really written for the eyes of others. They are exercises in self-justification. When we describe the day's events and our management of them, we have in mind a wise and benevolent reader who will someday see that we played, on the whole, and despite the best efforts of selfish and unworthy colleagues and relations, a creditable game with the hand we were dealt. If we speak frankly about our own missteps and shortcomings, it is only to gain this reader's trust. We write to appease the father. People abandon their diaries when they realize that the task is hopeless.
These are powerful, possibly brilliant theories, and they account for much. But, though they help explain why people generally don't...
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