RETRO RELIGION.(Archbishop George Pell appointment, Australia)(Brief Article)

Fighting to be heard above the shrieks of protest from fellow-objectors and the popping sound of bursting liberal blood vessels, one of the most vocal critics of the appointment of Archbishop George Pell to the Roman Catholic see of Sydney was the Commonwealth human rights commissioner, Chris Sidoti. This champion of a fair go for the individual, declining to wait and see how the new archbishop actually performed before judging him, described the appointment as "an unmitigated disaster for Sydney", adding for the benefit of ABC radio that Pell is trying to restore "a mediaeval Catholicism", presumably something we should all deplore.

Mediaeval? Not so, according to a spokesman for Australia's few remaining mediaeval Catholics. "There is, unfortunately, nothing even remotely mediaeval in Archbishop Pell's Catholicism," says the honorary secretary of the Australasian Association of Mediaeval Catholics, Mr F. X. O'Mulligan, a retired public servant with the taxation department who prefers to be known as Ser Adalbert Torquemada of the Five Wounds when speaking on association business and goes into the office in a white hood with eye slits. "We have been very disappointed with Dr Pell's response to a number of reasonable suggestions for restoring mediaeval Catholicism in the Melbourne archdiocese. For example, he flatly turned down our request that he personally lead a crusade against the Infidel who is building mosques in a number of desirable suburbs. He went on that ridiculous reconciliation walk but not on his knees as a mediaeval bishop would have done. He didn't even deign to reply to a clever suggestion from one of our committee that he use his membership of the Melbourne Club to persuade business leaders to endow chantry chapels where masses could be perpetually said for their souls in return for perpetual contributions to the work of our association. Much has been made of his reforms in religious education, but where in any of the new texts will you find serious discussion about the number of angels you can fit on the head of a dressmaking pin as opposed to a knitting needle?

"Where are the human torcheres of heretics lining St Kilda Road, the rackings of dissident priests, the public burning of their books? If Archbishop Pell has started disciplinary procedures of this sort in Melbourne we certainly haven't been told. I ...