Get on the bus.(bus to Ikea in New Jersey)(On and Off the Avenue)

Twenty minutes after it leaves the Port Authority, the free weekend bus to IKEA in Elizabeth, New Jersey (New Jersey Turnpike, exit 13A; 908-289-4488; 800-BUS-IKEA), pulls up to the store and a load of slightly befuddled Manhattanites -- among them a couple with buzz cuts and khakis who resemble the people in Ikea's TV ads and a woman in a fur toque who looks as though she leaves the Upper East Side only for the Hamptons -- enter the shop's rotunda and glance around, in vain, for help. No actual employees are in evidence; in their stead is an abundance of encouraging signage. "Got a question? The tag has the answers,'' says one placard. "You can do it yourself!''

Ikea's stylish, inexpensive merchandise may hail from Sweden, but it has a distinctly Manhattan feel. The first model room you come to, at the top of the escalator, features a sleeping alcove made private by a curtain of creatively deployed mosquito netting -- just the kind of solution that might occur to a space-strapped New Yorker. Despite the place's low-glamour reputation, some of the goods on display evince an undeniable chic -- where else can you find an Art Deco chest with a wavy facade and drawer pulls the shape of Gauloises ($159), or a plastic chair shaped like R2-D2 and as translucent as a gummy bear ($12.95)? The clientele, on the other hand, seems slightly frazzled. "We have to leave now! We'll buy you a toy!'' one father says as he tries to maneuver his child away from the ball room, a glassed-in tank where the youngest shoppers can gambol.

Next door, in the restaurant, the balls are made of meat, and they're almost as renowned as the furniture -- there's even an express meatball lane (ten for $3.95). With meatballs in ...