The NBA ties that bind. (Remote Patrol).(National Basketball Association contracts with Entertainment and Sports Programming Network, AOL Time Warner Inc. and TNT)(Brief Article)

Once heralded for having the sharpest antennae in commissionerdom, David Stern has morphed into The Cable Guy. Divulging the NBA's 2002-08 TV pact--starring Disney's ESPNs, co-starring AOL Time Warner and TNT, street value $4.6 bill--he sounded as wired as Jim Carrey. Stern did negotiate a 25 percent increase in rights fees, despite a 35 percent decline in ratings from the 1997-98 season to 2000-01 and a bad economy. So Stern is entitled to rejoice: "How can one little insulated wire bring so much happiness?" (Oops; my bad; it was Homer who actually said that, back in Year 2 of The Simpsons, but you get the idea.) How, indeed?

This corporate deal is as complex and confusing as l'affaire Enron. For Disney's $2.4 billion, ESPN/ESPN2 gets games on Wednesdays and Fridays, plus playoffs and the draft; ABC will show 15 regular-season games and The Finals. AOL's $2.2 billion buys unopposed Thursday doubleheaders on TNT, playoffs, the All-Star Game--and 50 percent of the proposed channel supplanting CNN/SI, which is to show four more games weekly. Prepare to check thy local listings.

Winners: ESPN (the first channel to own NFL/MLB/ NHL/NBA rights simultaneously), ADD-challenged viewers (ESPN2's Tuesday coverage promises NCAA Tournament-style cut-ins across the league), Brent Musburger (an opportunity to reprise his golden-age play-by-play), TNT (retains prestige programming), Charles Barkley (his fat butt stays in the ...