I got cut; now what? (Closer).(cut off of baseball team)

Major league baseball is a man's game. There are no friends, no favors and no room for people who don't carry their weight. So far this year, I hadn't carried my weight, so last week, I was designated for assignment, which means I ain't pitching for the Rockies anymore.

The thing I was thankful for was the organization gave me the choice to take my release. To do that, I had to defer some money until 2006. If I didn't take my release, I could keep my salary for this year as is and take the chance of getting traded to a team that was either out of it or someplace I didn't want to go. The Rockies could have traded me to someplace they knew I'd hate just to get back at me for not pitching well, but Dan O'Dowd, the Rockies general manager, gave me a choice. In this business, that normally doesn't happen.

We were on the road when it happened. So I'm in the hotel, and I get the call from my manager saying I need to go to the principal's office. He told me what was going on and that the organization needed to make a move. I've been in the game long enough to know I wasn't helping the team win. I wasn't doing my job, so that meant other guys had to do their jobs and my job, and that can kill a bullpen quickly.

There are no unimportant jobs. Even the 12th spot on the pitching staff is important. Those spots are so valuable the Rockies couldn't wait, so they didn't.

Around the guys, it was awkward. I was the guy no one wanted to see. They just didn't know what to say. Usually they say, "Ah, man, you got screwed." But in my case, that wasn't it. I had every chance to get myself out of this funk, but for whatever reason, it just didn't happen. They all wished me well. I guess they all know it will happen to them sooner or later.

Larry Walker told me, "Hey, good luck. Just don't hit me."

So now what? I go to Denver and wait and hope that a team will look at my 10-year career, not the last three months, and take a chance on me. If I clear waivers in the ...