MY GUILTY PLEASURES.(new TV series)

Those of us in the "literary game" often have "guilty pleasures" that we indulge in when not translating Cicero from the Latin into the German and then back into the Latin, to see how funny it sounds. My favorite guilty pleasure is watching the new TV series "The Bachelor: Who Screws the Best?," in which an ugly, poor, middle-aged married guy has sex with a series of young women who have been misled into believing that he is handsome, young, and rich, after which he decides which of them to propose to, at which time they are notified that he is actually ugly, poor, and middle-aged. I especially loved the moment when Desiree, the series' "bad girl," said, "Well, I thought there was a lot of hair on his back, but, still, I felt we were really connecting." Also good is the new series "The Bachelor: Actually He Is Dead," in which a group of young women attempt to win the favor of a propped-up, moldering corpse that they have been told is a young, handsome rich guy who is alive. It's still sort of hard for me to believe that none of them--not the Lawyer, not the Senior Account Rep, not the Homeless Advocate--noticed the team of people behind the bachelor, manipulating his limbs via a system of wires, while a tape recorder on his chest emitted sayings such as "I guess I'm just looking for someone who'll like me for me, even when parts of me fall off" and "Well, as far as my house goes, all I can say is, it's very small and made of wood." I am also looking forward to the new series "The Bachelor: So What If I'm a Raccoon?," in which a group of young women live for ...