3 of a kind: which all-star game matters least? (Know It All).

 
3 of a kind 
 
Which all-star game 
matters least? 
 
                  NFL 
 
Location          Hawaii. The fortunate get a week 
                  of lavish pampering and a game 
                  half speed. They relax, they 
                  play golf, they set the tone for 
                  training camp holdouts. 
 
Event             Who cares? The sand, the sun, 
entertainment     the eye candy. This is paradise. 
 
The name          Michael Vick, the league's most 
game              dynamic and dangerous player, 
                  has opted out. So have Randy 
                  Moss, Brett Favre, Priest Holmes 
                  and Junior Seau. Great, just let the 
                  Bungles play the Lions and be 
                  done with it. 
 
Not your          Protection for sissy quarterbacks, 
father's sports   do-overs and USFL uniforms. 
league 
 
Game plan         A vanilla offense and a base 
                  defense. And players tip-toeing 
                  around for 60 minutes trying not to 
                  blow out a knee on a rug with less 
                  give than Burt Reynolds' toupee. 
 
Keeping score     Here's an idea: Instead of scoring 
                  the game, count the seconds 
                  between ABC commentator Dan 
                  Fouts' blatantly obvious statements. 
 
Verdict           The worst of the bunch. It's hard 
                  to get geeked about a poorly 
                  played, poorly conceived game 
                  while still recovering from a 
                  Roman numeral-sized hangover. 
 
                  NHL 
 
Location          Miami--the worst sports city on 
                  the planet. This place doesn't sell 
                  out for either the Dolphins or the 
                  Canes. What makes you think anyone 
                  gives a flip about a game on 
                  ice when the sun and fun of South 
                  Beach is a short skip away? 
 
Event             A coup for the league. Fans come 
entertainment     for 37-year-old Super Mario. 
                  Instead, they get a 40-year-old 
                  with the body of a 19-year-old: 
                  Sheryl Crow. 
 
The name          Sandis Ozolinsh and Nikolai 
game              Khabibulin. Saku Koivu and 
                  Zdeno Chara. All together now: 
                  B-o-b-b-y O-r-r. So much for 
                  name recognition. 
 
Not your          No touching the goalie, no third 
father's sports   man in, no bench-clearing brawls. 
league            Facemasks mean no ...