At the Sign of the Golden Cabbage.(Poem)

 
AT THE SIGN OF THE GOLDEN CABBAGE 
 
   There was a hotel called the Tudor, which 
   Peter Hellier transmogrified into "le chou d'or"; 
   hence "the golden cabbage" 
 
   I'll tell you, she was as willing as me, 
   As warm as the sand and as soft as the sea; 
   But things just happened differently. 
 
   I'll tell you, only the Push that we knew 
   Put paid to the two of us seeing it through; 
   I doubt Penelope had kept faith with ease 
   Squired by distracting bastards like these: 
 
   One was pink, like a beer-blotched Cupid, 
   And said nothing true, nor yet appeared stupid, 
   But teetered word-pictures on the ...