Women's ways of resolving conflict.

Conflicts are a natural part of life. Ask any child whose younger sister wants to play with her toys. Or the employee whose boss demands something unethical.

Each conflict situation comes with its own history and cultural background. How we handle those conflicts has direct consequences for the future health of the relationships. At the 2004 Women's Leadership Symposium, "Transforming Conflict: Women's Ways of Leading," held at Mount Mary College WI in March, speakers offered observations of conflict and resolution.

"Current conflict analysis is gendered," said Debbie Roberts, campus minister and director of peace studies and the summer program at the University of La Verne CA. Men are more likely to separate the person from the problem. What happens when the person is the problem?

Female and male students define conflict differently. Men see it through an ideology of dominance, using words like: anger, fright, out of control and intolerance.

In contrast, women students identified conflict as a need for connectedness, describing it as: loss of reason, being isolated, off balance, disempowered.

Dialog is the key to resolving conflict. "But women are only listened to if we frame ideas in the language known by the dominant group," said Roberts. The bargaining table is often tilted toward the dominant paradigm before the conflict is voiced. One solution is to change the rules of the dominant culture.

From a male worldview, conflict resolution often involves self-interest, competition and rationality. But from a feminist perspective, it means connections, collaboration and feelings.