The perfect fix for a TV on the fritz.(Remote Patrol)(Brief Article)

Hello. Your friendly TV repairman calling.

I've still got your set here in the shop. It's working OK. Already receives 126 channels showing sports 24/7, and the picture hasn't had snow since that Raiders-Patriots playoff game. What more could you want?

With a few modifications (some not yet available through Radio Shack) we could make this baby better than a 65-inch high-definition beer keg. The work order:

My diagnosis indicates too many games, too many time slots. Ergo, you need a TiVo digital recorder. It's $12.95 per month, but no cassettes needed, it doesn't permanently flash 12:00, and--ta-da!--you can watch what you've recorded while TiVo is recording. Imagine coming home from work, seeing the first pitch of Yankees-Red Sox that occurred an hour ago, skipping commercials and two hours later catching up to the last inning in real time. Tighter than Joe Buck's cell phone camera ...

This Zenith needs anti-virus software. Because any good idea, like flashing fantasy football stats on NFL Sundays, spreads like Ebola across networks. Like FOX Sports Net's new series, Late Night Poker ...

A conventional mute button is fine for silencing Dick Stockton when he forgets coaches' instant-replay challenges are invalid in the last 2 minutes, or Kevin Harlan anytime. Now meet the semi-mute button, inspired by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's CBS performances last winter. When actuated, no announcer is heard, only background audio. ...