SURVIVOR: HOLIDAY EDITION.(The Talk of the Town)

The holiday season can be dangerous. People speak of it in terms of endurance and survival--oh, the gridlock, the fruitcake, the crazy great-aunt!--but there are real perils, too. The burning Christmas turkey, for example. A turkey that is left in the oven too long can burst into flames and, if not properly dealt with, burn down the house. One really should have a turkey-fire plan.

A thing you learn at Christmas is that there is a book for everything. The one for coping with holiday catastrophes is "The Book of Survival: The Original Guide to Staying Alive in the City, the Suburbs & the Wild Lands Beyond," by a British mountaineer and former Outward Bound instructor named Anthony Greenbank. It was published in 1967, before the authors of the "Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook," the best-seller that reinvigorated the survival racket, were even born, and for a spell it had Greenbank on the talk-show circuit, advising Dick Cavett on how to deal with a menacing drunk (slam a four-pint beer can down on your own finger to create a distraction, then flee) and Steve Allen on what to do in a submerged automobile (turn on the lights). A revised edition of the guide, taking into account the hazards of a post-9/11 world, was issued last month. The book is arranged by category, with chapter headings such as "Too Wet," "Too Cold," and "Too High," and is intended to be read straight through, but, should the reader need a relevant refresher, the index is thorough and threat-specific: "Clothing catches fire, when," "Coconuts, reaching," "Cougars." The index listing "Turkey fire, holiday" leads to the following recommended course of action:

1. Upon opening the oven door and discovering the worst, slam door., 2. Switch off gas/electricity., 3. Turn exhaust to full power., 4. Shroud head in wet towel and wear sunglasses/eyeglasses/goggles (to save eyes) when you next take a peep 15 minutes later., 5. If still burning call fire service.

If not still burning, you are by no means in the clear. Another section, under the heading "Beware Turkeys" (in the "Too Lonely" chapter), states, "Christmas turkey could be bad for your back, according to experts in naturopathy and ...