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COPYRIGHT 2005 All rights reserved. Reproduced by permission of The Condé Nast Publications Inc.
If you watched the first episode of the fourth installment of UPN's "America's Next Top Model" last week, you may have noticed that I was not one of the contestants competing for the hundred-thousand-dollar contract with Cover Girl cosmetics, the model-management contract with Ford Models, and the spread in Elle, even though I fulfilled many of the show's stated eligibility requirements: I am not currently a candidate for public office; I am not shorter than five feet seven; my age is between eighteen and twenty-seven if you divide it by any number between 1.778 and 2.667; and, to the best of my recollection, I have not had previous experience as a model in a national campaign within the past five years. As for the stipulation that applicants must "exhibit . . . a willingness to share their most private thoughts in an open forum of strangers," is there anyone left on the planet who doesn't fit into this category? Also, I can totally work it, bring it, feel it, slam it, serve it, and own it--to use the terms that the fashion photographers, advisers, and judges fall back on when coaching the contestants or explaining their decision to keep them on the show or boot them.
The reason I'm not on the show is that I didn't want a tarantula crawling on my face; I'm...
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