PIGS MUST PLAY.(The Talk of the Town)

Most Americans know nothing of the location, composition, or purpose of the European Union. There is no shame in such ignorance, for most Europeans are in the same position--rather worse, indeed, given that they are the ones who are meant to be experiencing a pleasant sensation of unity. If anything, the view from the States is more precise: Europe is that Shrek-shaped landmass to the left of the Middle East, and the European Union, or E.U., must therefore be the constitutional equivalent of a group hug, designed to insure that no Finn, say, will ever launch a first-strike attack on a Greek. Europeans themselves, however, cannot even decide where Europe begins and ends. Does it include Turkey, which has taken the first step toward joining the E.U. in 2015? Does it even include Great Britain, a founding member? To most Englishmen, the geography is unambiguous: Europe is what you get if you are stupid enough to venture any farther than Kent.

Hence the recent British opinion poll suggesting that, were the Government to hold a referendum on whether the country should sign on to the European Constitution, the percentage of the population in favor would be a slightly unencouraging twenty-four. Nobody but the Prime Minister knows what the Constitution looks like, or even whether it is a physical document, a lovely idea, or a bill of health, but voters nonetheless felt morally impelled to state that, whatever it is, they don't like it.

In this regard, as in all others, the British press remains warmly on the side of the people. Editors fear, however, that if the E.U. retains its current air of overwhelming vagueness it might just bore the people into submission; the people must therefore be frightened into active resistance by facts, the more concrete and disgraceful the better. Two years ago, for instance, readers of the London Times were jolted by the revelation that "farmers throughout the country have 90 days to put a toy in every pigsty or face up to three months in jail. The new ruling from Brussels"--the lair of Lucifer, in the eyes of the Times--"is to keep pigs happy and prevent them chewing each other."

In an effort to fend off such murky accusations, the E.U. has set up a page on its Web site. Entitled "Get Your Facts Straight," it is split into two parts. Under the heading "The Press," it quotes a number of the more alarming media reports on E.U. activities. Under "The Facts," it takes each report and serves up the sober and appropriate truths, with a view to allaying that alarm. Many areas are covered--the harmonization of corporate income tax, the question of whether "EU regulations mean the end of bendy bananas," the nicely restrained rumor that users of the new European currency "could see their hands turn into a scaly, diseased mass after minutes," in the words of the Observer--but ...