Will the real Jon Voight please stand up? This month Jon Voight can be seen on the big screen in The Legend of Simon Conjurer, taking on the role of the Pulitzer prize-winning psychiatrist Dr. Crazx. Here, Voight sets out to interview himself in the guise of the 400-pound doctor only to find the tables turned and his alter ego assuming the role of interviewer.(MAY SELF-PORTRAIT)(Interview)

JON VOIGHT: Thank you, Dr. Crazx, for consenting to speak with me.

[Standoffish, the rotund Dr. Crazx speaks demandingly in a pompous accent, as he compulsively munches on a Choco Jelly Dream candy bar]

DR. CRAZX: Thank yourself.

JV: [chuckles] Okay, I will. Thank you, Jon.

DC: [to himself] Pompous ass.

JV: [looking at his notes] My first question is--

DC: I'd rather you ask me the last question first, so I can rid myself of this interview as quickly as possible.

JV: [looking at the bottom of his last page] Um, okay, and my last question is: How did you enjoy this interview?

DC: It stank with your ignorance. Do you actually think my Pulitzer Prize was awarded for writing nursery rhymes? Why don't you stand down from your infantile attempt at inquiry! This sophomoric experiment in intellectual cleverness is obviously a train wreck. Play musical chairs with me, as I take over the role of interviewer and you remain subservient in the role of interviewee, and I'll grill you like a Cajun charbroiled mackerel.

JV: Okay, I'm up for it. [Voight and Dr. Crazx exchange seats] Shoot!

DC: "Shoot"? Your command of the English language leaves me upended in awe. Now, Jon ... Jon Voight is it? [not awaiting Voight's response, he speaks under his breath] Obvious Nordic ancestry. What a bore! A cheese-bearing nomad!

JV: Actually, my mother's family came from Germany, and my father's father came to the U.S. from Czechoslovakia at 15 years old. He wound up working as a coal miner in Shickshinny, Pennsylvania.

DC: Delusional association with the movie Zoolander [2001] no doubt, where…