Ready Steady ...(Poem)

 
READY STEADY ... 
 
   I keep my mad wife in the attic 
   And my boyfriends stacked up in the fridge, 
   While the heirs of my age come to rattle my cage 
   With interminable rubbers of bridge. 
   Though they swear their devotion is filial 
   As they ply me with whiskies and gins, 
   Their nefarious plan is to send for the van 
   As the proper reward for my sins. 
 
   Oh those hours of consensual abandon 
   As  I serially plighted my troth 
   To identical toyboys! Those twin hoi polloi boys, 
   I should have said No to them both, 
   To their delicate dream of enchantment, 
   To their sweet reminiscence of kisses, 
   But alas one unfortunate night of debauch 
   Had disastrous effects on my missus. 
 
   It was not her horripilant hair-do, 
   Not the tomahawk clutched in her fist, 
   No, not even her face with its ghastly grimace, 
   That provided the general ...