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COPYRIGHT 2004 Iona College Graduate Department of Pastoral and Family Counseling
Abba Anthony said, "I saw the snares that the enemy spreads out all over the world and I said groaning, "What can get through [protect me] from such snares?" Then I heard a voice saying to me, "Humility." (Anthony the Great, c. 251-356) (1)
Introduction
We all live in our own deserts, and there is no more terrifying prospect in the spiritual life than confusing God with self. As the Desert Fathers knew and taught, the genuine seeker is rightfully wary of worshiping his or her own image of God, of encountering a controllable "other" rather than encountering the Wholly Other.
In fact, the central problem of prayer at any stage in the spiritual journey always revolves around recognizing the one encountered. The seeker is ever vigilant, constantly discerning whether a given insight is from God, from the self, or from outside the self and specifically, from the Evil One. In the First Conference, John Cassian reports Abba Moses' instruction: "Above all we should know what the three sources of our thoughts are: They come from God, from the devil, and from ourselves." (I:XIX:1). (2)
The spiritual wisdom of the ages includes tests to delineate the differences, especially between the suggestions of the angel of darkness and of the angel of light. Both Abba Moses and Ignatius of Loyola readily warn that the evil spirit will readily assume the appearance of the angel of light, proposing what seems to be the good, but what is only gradually revealed as the opposite. Again, in the First Conference, John Cassian reports Abba Moses' words: "And from the devil a whole series of thoughts is born, when he attempts to subvert us both by delight in wickedness and by hidden snares, fraudulently passing off evil things for good with the most subtle finesse and transforming himself for us into an angel of light." (I:XIX:3). (3)
As difficult as the temptations of Evil are to distinguish and discern, so also is distinguishing God's voice from our own in prayer. Of course Evil can propose that our thoughts are the voice of God, and is only too anxious help us along the pleasant road to self-indulgence. Except when as the result of genuine temptation, listening to one's own thoughts is not always bad. But such does not comprise prayer, which at its simplest and most complete is empty and naked abandonment before the Wholly Other.
Simplicity, however, often escapes the self-involved. Spiritual narcissism can be evidenced by mere replacement of God's words with our own, and in its grossest form spiritual narcissism brings the individual to worship self instead of the Wholly Other. Such is both tragic and frightening, since the worse specter of damnation is eternal self-involvement.
The Desert Fathers knew that beginners in the spiritual life are often trapped in narcissistic tendencies, and so they warned against such. The task was self-understanding before God:
Abba Poeman said to Abba Joseph, 'Tell me how to become a monk.' He said, 'If you want to find rest here below, and hereafter, in all circumstances say, Who am I? and do not judge anyone.' (4)
Of course, the question "Who am I?" takes a lifetime to answer, and the first responses are almost always self-involved and detached from God. Beginners' prayer and lives can sound like an opera singer warming up: "Me, Me, Me, Me, Me!" True growth and spiritual self-recognition need a little of this warming up, so a period of self-involvement that results in self-recognition is normal and necessary. The self- involvement is often a time of growth, as problematic and painful memories begin to be healed and self-esteem is gained or regained. Until the seeker gains some modicum of balanced self-esteem, there is little possibility for progress in the spiritual life. In fact, what has come to be called "healthy narcissism," following the self psychology of Heinz Kohut (1913-1981), can be and often is a fruit of prayer, especially for those with troubled personal histories. No matter, troubled or not, the seventeenth century advice of Mme. Jeanne Marie Guyon stands firm: "Get out of yourself, my friend." (5)
Centuries before Mme. Guyon pronounced other directedness, hermits and cenobites in the grand stretches of Egyptian desert, in Syria, in Palestine and in Arabia spoke directly to those whom they counseled. Whether their advice, now collectively thought of as the wisdom of the Desert Fathers, came from a hermit of Lower...
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