Michael Kinsley In The Hole.(sports humor)(Brief Article)

Slow start doesn't mean the A's have cracked

Alfred E. Neuman would be proud. The cover boy from Mad magazine made a fictional career out of the line, "What, me worry?" So here are the Oakland A's, limping into May in last place or close to it and about to lose sight of the Mariners. Yet they're taking Neuman's world view of that double-digit deficit in the standings.

Why? Well, history, for one reason. A year ago, when they won the A.L. West, the A's did it on the strength of just two terrific months. They were 18-7 in June and 224 in September/October. The rest of the season, they played like ... well, like they did this April. They were 12-13 in April a year ago, 15-13 in May, 13-14 in July and 11-16 in August.

So this slow start? Been there, done that, lived to tell the tale.

"The good thing is we don't have to explain it," says G.M. Billy without solid arms. it's all said and done, you don't get anything for a start. The fact of the matter is, it means nothing right now."

Nothing except this: To get back to the 91 wins they had last year, the A's will have to play .600 ball from here on out. Hey, it's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World out them. Remember, Alfred E. Neuman also said this once: "The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper."

Just askin': D'ya suppose baseball could arrange a home-to-first race at the All-Star Game between the Braves' Rafael Furcal and the Mariners' Ichiro Suzuki?