`Hey, didn't you used to be a pre-teen hero?'.(News Briefs)(Column)

* Fly would never say Rob "Surf's Up" Johnson is not a righteous hombre, just that when it comes to difficult work like studying a playbook, well, it's best to remember that Johnson is an L.A. foof who went to USC (ouch). Fly's hearing some Bill-mates are not pleased with Johnson's leisurely pace when it comes to learning the new offense. To which Fly says: Duuuudes, relax! Catching tubes, tossing spirals ... it's all the same, right?

* Fly's Top 5, or, "Whaddya mean we hafta start a QB?": 1. Shane Matthews; 2. Chris Weinke; 3. Quincy Carter; 4. Jay Fiedler; 5. Jon Kitna.

* Speakin' of Jon K.: The loser (Fly's word, not theirs) in the Bengal `back battle, Scott Mitchell, says he needed a "day of mourning" after learning he'd lost to Kitna-Litter. Don't feel bad, Mitch, Fly needed a week of mourning after findin' out you wouldn't be around to pick on all season.

* Fly watched O-town G.M. John Gabriel take flak for putting the exhibitionus interruptus on Grant Hill and that little Duke runaround. But Fly hears Gabes is just blowin' smoke round real issue--Grant's bum ankle is still bummin', but no one wants to admit it. If the only gift of the Magi to budding star T-Mac are P-nuchle Ewing and Hoary Grant, well, Tracy can't get over this Hill alone.

* ...