The Long View.(Column)

Headlines from the Future(tm)

Special Wartime Lead Edition!

From the Baghdad Intelligencer, March 27, 2003:

GLORIOUS VICTORY FOR IRAQI PEOPLE! COUNTRY REJOICES!

From the deserts of Tikrit to the outskirts of Basra, all Iraq rejoices in the victory of our Beloved Leader, Saddam Hussein, who continues to repel the brutal invasion by the United States! "This is all a part of his master plan," a senior Ba'ath party official said, in reference to the occupation of Baghdad by American and British troops. "Trust me," he continued, "our Leader has something up his sleeve. Right now, he's hatching something really brilliant, I just know it." Highly placed government sources who have recently met with our Great Leader report that he is "relaxed" and "at peace" and that he is lying very still on his back and hasn't moved for days. "It's some kind of yoga thing," a close presidential adviser told the Baghdad Intelligencer, "but he does seem to be getting awfully stiff, and there is a certain smell in the room that's . . ." The adviser's remarks were cut short by his strangulation. Still, even as the Iraqi people seem to be welcoming the invaders . . .

From the New York Times, March 27, 2003:

AS AIR CAMPAIGN BEGINS, THREAT OF QUAGMIRE LOOMS -- 'IS THIS ANOTHER VIETNAM?' EXPERTS ASK