Master the dating game: reentering the singles scene is definitely daunting, but following these steps will diminish the pain. (On My Mind).

In my new novel, The Accidental Virgin, the protagonist Stacy Temple goes through a major dating dry, spell. Her last serious relationship--with a guy she felt only lukewarm about--ended almost a year earlier, and she has seen no action since. Her excuse? She's been too busy with her job at a start-up company to go out with men.

After a breakup, the prospect of setting out on a campaign to find love again can be more intimidating than having to look for a job or a place to live. Often you feel like you've suffered a major setback, and the thought of having to start all over at square one can be so exhausting to contemplate that a certain paralysis sets in. When that happens, the first thing you need to do is force yourself into a more positive man-meeting frame of mind.

When my husband of seven years died of cancer, I found myself suddenly, unexpectedly back at square one. I stayed there for a while, numb but never quite comfortable. After about nine months, I decided it was time to call a friend to ask her for help in getting dates. I got fixed up, met men at parties, and talked to guys at bars. It must have looked shameless, even desperate, but I didn't see it that way. I felt optimistic mad hopeful. The promise of finding love again was what had gotten me through the terrible months after my husband's death. Without that hope, I wouldn't have had the guts to take that first step.

But optimism isn't the only essential component of starting over successfully. You also have to force yourself to be really flexible and stay open to anyone and anything. The way you do that is to let go of certain common but unrealistic and misleading expectations and standards.

Most of us have an ideal type of man with whom we'd like to connect, but during my quest, I very quickly discovered that I had to open the field or I wouldn't get anywhere. I also had to ...