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painted love
"Right before the big homecoming game at our college, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. That night, I went to a party at one of the frat houses. I started talking to this guy who had his face and body covered in blue and yellow makeup for our school colors. After a few drinks, we ended up going to his bedroom and hooking up. Right before I left, I went into the bathroom and washed my face and hands, which were covered with blue paint. When I returned to my apartment, my boyfriend was waiting for me. He apologized, and pretty soon, we were in bed together. Things were just heating up when he unbuttoned my shirt to find that I had blue paint smeared all over my breasts. He knew right away what I'd been up to and broke up with me."--Mary Anne, 23
buzz kill
"My family was celebrating my nephew's third birthday at my place. As the party was winding down, I went to check my E-mail. I was sitting at my computer when I heard a buzzing sound behind me. I turned around to find my nephew with my vibrator in his hand. He was holding it like a chain saw, pretending to cut down trees. I immediately took it away from him, and he went running into the living room, crying to my grandmother about the fact that I'd taken his buzzing toy away."--Maggie, 28
fortune nooky
"One night, my boyfriend and I ordered Chinese food from our favorite restaurant. It usually takes about half an hour to be delivered, so while we were waiting, we decided to work up an appetite by getting it on. We were completely naked, having sex on the couch, when we heard a noise. I looked up and saw the deliveryman standing in our living room, a bag of food in his hand and a shocked expression on his face. Embarrassed, he told us that when he knocked, the door opened, so he assumed it was okay to come in. We quickly scrambled to put our clothes on, and my boyfriend paid the poor guy. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to order food from my favorite Chinese place since."--Claire, 28
diss-connected