Revolutionary Acts, Circular Reasoning.(the push for bigger wheels can be an expensive process)(Column)

Byline: Rich Ceppos

Hey, man, you can't floss in those shoes. You heard me. I said... you can't floss in those shoes. Now, are you down with that? You hip? Do you understand the language? Well, then let me break it down for you, friend. Let me lay it out clean and true.

This is about the street. You may drive on it, and I may drive on it, but that doesn't mean we understand it. Not this street. An amateur cultural anthropologist I know laid this flossing thing on me the other day, along with an explanation he claims is true. ``Shoes'' refers to your vehicle's wheels and tires. ``Floss'' is a synonym for cruise-maybe not in any thesaurus we've ever seen, but out there.

Thus, in the patois of the street, the phrase in question means, ``You can't be serious about going cruising in your vehicle when it is equipped with such unimaginably bland and grossly undersized wheels and tires. You look ridiculous. People will point and stare and laugh uproariously at your total lack of savoir-faire. You, sir, are an idiot.''

I cannot vouch for the veracity of this translation. My thin list of near-hip sources came up empty. But the spirit of the matter cannot be doubted. Wheel jewelry is hot right now, hotter than ever.

It used to be that wheels-bigger, wider, lighter-were a way of enhancing a car's handling as well as dressing it for success. Now, of course, we also have trucks-primarily SUVs-receiving the glitter-wheel treatment. By the way, SUVs don't wear just any ol' custom wheels, they get ``dubs'' (or 20-inch wheels; hey, I'm just here to help). Like with many things in Truckville, big is good and huge is better. The biggest rims are now a yawning 24 inches in diameter.

Prices have grown ...