The Long View.(satirical poem about House of Saud)(Poem)

 
From the House of Saud to You 
 
Greetings, Friends! 
Some of you may think it's odd 
To get a Christmas Poem from the House of Saud. 
But we're for real -- don't be cynical! 
Don't be (oh, let's say it!) so rabbinical! 
Christmas is a time of joy, 
And PR campaigns to employ. 
We're not so bad. We're not so weird. 
Only some of us wear a creepy beard. 
The rest of us are like the guy next door. 
Why, we could all work at a convenience store! 
But no! You see us in our desert apparel 
And instantly think, "What's the price per barrel?" 
We used to be friends! We used to be pals! 
There's even a McDonald's in Al-Akwaqsal. 
And a shiny new mall with a Fendi and Gap 
And a food court with a Chili's with nothing on tap. 
You see? We're a lot like you, but with oil and sand 
(And yes, if you steal, we'll chop off your hand, 
And the ladies aren't so much "married" as 
 "purchased" and "owned," 
If your wife wears lipstick she'll be publicly stoned, 
Or whipped or beheaded if she looks at some guys 
Or gives money to those with terrorist ties -- 
Well, not that.) We're not all nasty and mean, 
We want to be friends. But it remains to be seen 
Whether you do or not. Do you? We're waiting 
For you to stop the mean comments and the 
 "towel-head" baiting 
And the "unimpressed with their help" from 
 "White House sources" 
And the kicking our kids out of flight-training 
 courses -- 
All of that stuff counts, it adds up (do you hear?) 
To a too-expensive-to-drive Jeep Grand Wagoneer. 
No! No! These are not threats of reprisal! 
(Why, we've been allies since way back under Jolly 
 ...