The Long View.(political humor)

From the FBI Profiler

The Bill Simon Voter:

The Bill Simon Voter is a quiet, unassuming person. He will usually live in a "gated" community, and will be described by neighbors and associates as "friendly" and "dependable." Often works with an accomplice in a tennis dress and a sun visor, whom he refers to, ruefully, as "too good for Wal-Mart." Is often at odds with the prevailing moods and messages of the popular culture, and harbors feelings of alienation while watching his children dress in "hip hop" clothing and listening to them talk to their friends in the back seat of the Chevy Suburban. While not dangerous as a rule, the Bill Simon Voter can explode with fury at a slice into the trees and is seriously considering "ripping that damn computer out of this freakin' house, Lois, I promise I will, do you hear me?" Flashpoints: private-school tuition, Laotian family next door.

The Walter Mondale Voter:

Can be found at restaurants offering an "Early Bird" dinner, often in flannel clothing that resembles pajamas. Strongly identifies with working-class heroes of a bygone era, and often seems to be confused by self-service gas stations with automatic credit-card readers. Mixes well with other profile types (especially the Gray Davis Voter and the Jean Carnahan Voter) and is essentially a social creature. Usually has an accomplice with bluish hair. Only dangerous while merging onto a freeway or making a left turn. Flashpoints: watching someone buy a vowel when unnecessary; kids these days.

The Gray Davis Voter:

Can be found in and around areas where money is being distributed and checks are being written, which includes steakhouses in the Sacramento, Calif., area; homes in the 310 area code; and statehouse office- building parking lots. The Gray Davis Voter is a delusional creature that suffers from what experts call "Reverse Paranoia" -- the constant and unfounded belief that most people like and respect him. This profile type is not necessarily dangerous, but can be remarkably tenacious when cornered. Traditionally, this type has low levels of dynamic strength but high levels of tensile strength, i.e., it can't lift, move, or in any way affect an object, but it can hang on to one. ...