You have the right to remain faster; L.A. sheriff's annual cop car evaluation highlights the latest in police cruiser hardware.(News)

Byline: MARK VAUGHN

So we're in the back of a police cruiser, staring at the hard plastic lining of an environment meant to keep oozing, spewing drunks and frothing maniacs from soiling their taxpayer-funded ride to the gray-bar hotel. Not comfy, these seats, and the belts have built-in wrist restraints.

Unlike this seat's intended passengers, we could get out at will. This was the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department ``Law Enforcement Vehicle Test and Evaluation Program,'' and we weren't under arrest. The sheriff's department has been testing police cars since 1974. Separately, and several states away, the Michigan State Police have been doing it for about as long. Both departments' evaluations test acceleration, braking, lap times around a road course and a number of other factors to see how potential cop cars stack up. The Michigan test emphasizes handling; the L.A. evaluations are harder on brakes. Both departments make the results of their tests available to law enforcement agencies worldwide to help them choose the best police car.

For comparison's sake we tested a 2003 Mercury Marauder and got 0 to 60 mph in 8.01 seconds and 60 mph to 0 in 137 feet. The sheriff tested a 2003 Crown Victoria Police Interceptor and got 8.46 seconds and 151 feet (the deputies beat the heck out of their brakes first, though).

The tests are thorough, more so than they used to be.

``Forty years ago, a police vehicle was nothing more than the biggest vehicle you could get with ...