Men admit to their dirtiest deeds and most shameless scams ever. (Guy Confessions).(Brief Article)(Column)

beg to sniff her

"When my girlfriend Alicia dumped me, I went into a downward spiral--drinking a lot and hooking up with random women. Finally, I decided to pull myself together and forget about her for good. I was at the gym one day when I got a whiff of the perfume that she had always worn. After months of trying to get over her, that one sniff set me back. I figured out where the smell was coming from--an athletic brunette two machines over--so I moved closer. I followed her around for the rest of her workout, just trying to get another whiff of her perfume. I thought I was being subtle until one of the gym owners approached me and said if I didn't stop harassing his customers, he would revoke my membership. I guess I had been so fixated on her scent, I hadn't noticed the girl signal to the managers for help."--Steven, 26

cops and rubbers

"One night, my girlfriend and I were so horny that it was a struggle just to get into her apartment clothed. I had barely gotten the condom on when we started having sex against her front door and she began howling like a banshee. We were in a particularly compromising position when my girlfriend started screaming. I thought she was just climaxing, so I kept pumping away, until she rolled out from under me and ran into the bathroom. I looked up and saw two cops standing at the window. Apparently, her neighbors had mistaken her moans for cries of terror and called the cops."--Damian, 28

hellish houseguest

"When my friend got evicted from his apartment, I let him stay at my place. He was only supposed to be there for a week, but he ended up staying for months. The bills started to add up, but he never paid me and kept giving me lame excuses for why he couldn't. Meanwhile, every week, he'd come home with a new toy like a TV or stereo. Finally, I got so fed up that I had a friend break in to the apartment and steal his expensive toys (and a few of mine, to make it look more legit). After he sold them for me, I made enough money to finally pay my bills, and my roommate, thinking I lived in a shady neighborhood, moved out."--Michael, 24

birthday basher