On the campaign couch ... with JB. (Close-Up).(Brief Article)(Column)

Q As chief executive of one of the biggest global media buying agencies I keep getting told to improve our strategic planning capability (whatever that is) because media is going to take over from the ad agencies at the top table. While I want to be taken more seriously by clients and make more money the whole concept of strategy and creativity is allen to me. What do you suggest I do?

As chief executive of one of the biggest global media buying agencies you will be unstoppably loquacious. You all are. Never remotely racked by self-doubt, you favour the double-handshake, tell jokes and laugh at them immoderately, leap on to conference platforms with more confidence than preparation, invent and disseminate gossip and have a regular table from which your high-decibel schmoozing can be heard throughout the restaurant. And still you wonder why you're not taken seriously. However, all is not lost; nor need you punish yourself by trying to understand strategy.

I wonder if you remember pipes? Ask your parents about them. Pipes were smoking devices, usually formed from wood, with a bowl at one end for holding tobacco and a tube at the other for insertion into the mouth. Some pipe smokers smoked their pipes though the majority did not. The majority plugged, tamped, blew, sucked, scraped, lit matches and tapped the bowl very, very slowly. Sometimes they also tapped their teeth. High-level pipe-play can prolong a simple sentence of a few words into five or more minutes of exquisite, unconsummated anticipation. While saying little and doing less, world-class pipemasters acquire an impregnable reputation for strategic sagacity; both for themselves and their company.

Try second-hand shops or Burlington Arcade. All ambition demands some sacrifice.

Q I work on the flagship account at my agency, the work is amazing, picking up awards all over, selling loads and is the one account everyone wants to work on. Problem is I have an extremely good sense of smell and the client has extremely bad halitosis. No matter how far away I stand, I can't avoid the stench. I don't want to come off the business, but I can't bear many ...