Would you ever date a forbidden man? (The Cosmo Report).(young women dating married, older men)

Monica and Chandra made the headlines, but young women in every town hook up with much older married men. Cosmo looks at the allure of dangerous liaisons.

Bill Clinton and Gary Condit made Washington look like a playground for powerful middle-aged men with a penchant for much younger women. But the capital isn't the only place where girls fall under the spells of guys who are old enough to be their fathers-and in many cases, married. Similar pairings crop up in corporate suites, universities, and suburban neighborhoods all over the country. You would think the public humiliation suffered by Monica Lewinsky and the murky circumstances behind Chandra Levy's disappearance would set off women's don't-go-there alarms, right? Not so. While there are no hard statistics on these kinds of affairs since most are successfully kept under wraps, many psychologists and couples counselors say they are quite common and show no signs of slowing down.

"Older men have money and power," says counseling psychologist Lillian Glass, Ph.D., author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Men and Women. So while some young women see these liaisons as their ticket to get ahead, most are hungry for approval and affection from an authority figure. But these relationships usually fail because there's a universal disparity in perspectives. "These two people are not in sync," says Robin Goodman, Ph.D., a psychologist at New York University School of Medicine. "One person is having a relationship while the other is having an affair." Cosmo looks at the factors that contribute to this trend.

the ego-boosting benefits

Women often get into go-nowhere relationships because they feel insecure, vulnerable, or lonely. "When a powerful man starts paying attention, they feel validated; they think If he is singling me out, I must be special," says Glass. Take Rachel, 27. When she was a 21-year-old intern at a magazine, Sam, the 40 something charming-and married-editor-in-chief, always praised her work, which was just what she needed. "I was so scared of screwing up," Rachel says. "This was my first office job. Sam made me feel like I just got a gold star from the teacher."

One evening, after giving her rave reviews for a story idea she pitched, Sam took Rachel to a bar to celebrate. "At first, I was nervous," she says. But the more they talked-and drank-the more comfortable they became with each other. When she told him about a falling out she'd had with friends, he said they must have been jealous. Then he told her she was so much prettier and smarter than his wife, which "was creepy but also flattering," she admits. But when he kissed her gently on the lips, Rachel was stunned. "He was so much older than anyone I'd ever been with. At first, all I could think was What about the office? What about his wife? But I was really turned on that this successful, powerful guy wanted me." They had a steamy affair, which was fun, admits Rachel. "But I started to feel too guilty and worried that his wife would find out," she says. So she called it quits-prompting Sam to yank Rachel's story from the magazine's next issue. "I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach," she says. "Not only because I had worked my butt off but also because I discovered that our relationship was nothing but a tradeoff If you give me sex, I'll run your story."

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